Okay so your breath is horrible, let’s just get that out of the way.
You have the heart of an artist. Which sucks because you live in like, Lowell, Massachusetts- not exactly a thriving art colony. So you try to engage in art as much as possible. You took the “modern dance” elective at your high school. You took it very seriously even though, with your body type, there was no way you would ever become a real dancer, but you poured yourself into it. Had you worked as hard at Calculus as you did in your “African Movement” class, you might have been able to fool yourself into thinking you were a real dancer when you wasted 100k majoring in it at Bard. BUT your grades suffered, so now you’re gonna do a year at community college and then transfer… Somewhere. Probably a school with a lot of lesbians and cold weather.
You thought you might try and jumpstart a career as a burlesque dancer- that seems to be what all girls who don’t have the issues to be a stripper nor the grace to be a ballerina are doing these days. When your best friend D’Andre got a gig performing R&B covers at Smoove’s Jazz & Muscato Bar he called you and this black chick with “fun hair” to be his back up dancers. The routine consisted of him in a dress shirt with the bow tie undone, mostly singing and doing impromptu
Michael Jackson Usher dance moves. You and the other girl wore fish nets, leotards, and fedoras, obviously. While he would stand, center stage, doing his best Ginuwine impression, you and her would slowly move, Cabaret style on wooden bar chairs in the background.
There was no pay but you thought it would look good on a college resume.
When you aren’t busy being the only white girl in a Ugandan Hip Hop class, you also love volunteering to be the subject of your friend’s photography. Your friend Harmony loves taking black and whites of you doing all kinds of artistic things like:
Playing with a silk scarf
Sitting on a chair in a field
Naked smoking a cigarette in the tub
Walking slowly down abandoned train tracks
You’ll do anything for art. You were also the first girl to volunteer to do a full frontal nudity rape scene for your friend zombie movie…At age 17. You got to show off your acting range by doing one of those crying in the shower scenes. Something every 17 year old rural suburban girl needs to put on their bucket list before even thinking about applying to Emerson College.
When you got to school, all of the electives were full. There was an art class, but “Charcoal: How to Make a Fucking Mess and Come Home with a Picture of an Oddly Shaded Rose” didn’t appeal to you. So you signed up for “Modern Fashion.” This look is your first project you’re being graded on. The shirt is… Just a shirt you had, but you’re not into shirts, you wanna focus more on the bottom part of the body. That’s your mission. Just bottoms. So you took your childhood bed sheets, cut out a rectangle and and stapled it around you, there’s the skirt. Then for the leg warmer-things, you took your costume you had left over from when you were an extra in the a community theater production of The Crucible and you hot glued elastic bands to it. Gotta keep those shins toasty! You also taped a yellow feather thing to one of the leg warmers. You’ll tell the teacher it’s to pick up the yellow in your sheert (skirt made of sheets, sheert) but really you like, found it in your car on your way into class so you just stuck it on there. You want to start your own label combining fashion and art. You will call it… FART.
To complete the look you rented out the top of your head to a muskrat for an hour, just to give your hair that “slept in” look.
$50 for the skirt on Etsy
$80 for the leg warmers
$300 for a class on fashion merchandising