This is how you playlist:

1. Ministry - Filth Pig
2. Eyehategod - Parish Motel Sickness
3. KMFDM - New American Century
4. Nine Inch Nails - Ruiner
5. Crosses (+++) - Telepathy
6. Triptykon - Demon Pact
7. Mastodon - High Road
8. Opeth - Cusp of Eternity
9. The Devin Townsend Project - Grace
10. Queens of the Stone Age - Smooth Sailing

This is how you playlist:

1. Ministry - Filth Pig
2. Eyehategod - Parish Motel Sickness
3. KMFDM - New American Century
4. Nine Inch Nails - Ruiner
5. Crosses (+++) - Telepathy
6. Triptykon - Demon Pact
7. Mastodon - High Road
8. Opeth - Cusp of Eternity
9. The Devin Townsend Project - Grace
10. Queens of the Stone Age - Smooth Sailing

4/20 To Do List

1. Watch Bill Nye The Science Guy
2. Make fun of infomercials
3. Buy crazy straws
4. Pitch a tent indoors filled with snacks so you have a snack haven in the middle of your living room instead of the kitchen.
5. Build a LEGO set of up to 1,000 pieces.
6. Give away free Lunchables like fucking Oprah.
7. Let your couch eat you.
8. Find the remote your couch ate and say the weed helped you find it.
9. Run over pedestrians with a golf cart in Grand Theft Auto V.
10. Play golf online in Grand Theft Auto V.
11. Listen to Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic” album in its entirety.
12. Make a woman a sandwich.
13. Tell everyone that you fucked with Wu Tang Clan.
14. Bake out a bathroom.
15. Create teams for the bands Rush and Pink Floyd for a debate.
16. Play with your cat.
17. Poptarts.
18. Chocolate milk.
19. Go hiking in your backyard.
20. Call in a radio station and request anyone that performed at Woodstock.

Valentine’s Day Playlist (The last 6 songs are totally for intercourse. Stay classy my friends):

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

1. KISS - I Was Made For Loving You
2. Queen - Sheer Heart Attack
3. Lady Gaga - Applause
4. Motorhead - Orgasmatron
5. Carcass - Heartwork
6. The Black Dahlia Murder - A Vulgar Picture
7. Every Time I Die - Underwater Bimbos From Outer Space
8. Anthrax - Medusa
9. Killswitch Engage - End of Heartache
10. Cake - Short Skirt, Long Jacket
11. Motley Crue - Too Young To Fall In Love
12. Neil Diamond - Cherry Cherry
13. Three Dog Night - Old Fashioned Love Song
14. The Doors - Light My Fire
15. Misfits - Last Caress
16. Scorpions - No One Like You
17. Megadeth - She-Wolf
18. Pantera - This Love
19. Blink-182 - First Date
20. Slipknot - Vermillion
21. Queens of the Stone Age - The Lost Art of Keeping A Secret
22. Incubus - Stellar
23. Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love
24. Nine Inch Nails - Reptile
25. Deftones - Passenger
26. Deftones - Cherry Waves

ilizashaunch:

Okay so your breath is horrible, let’s just get that out of the way.
You have the heart of an artist. Which sucks because you live in like, Lowell, Massachusetts- not exactly a thriving art colony. So you try to engage in art as much as possible. You took the “modern dance” elective at your high school. You took it very seriously even though, with your body type, there was no way you would ever become a real dancer, but you poured yourself into it. Had you worked as hard at Calculus as you did in your “African Movement” class, you might have been able to fool yourself into thinking you were a real dancer when you wasted 100k majoring in it at Bard. BUT your grades suffered, so now you’re gonna do a year at community college and then transfer… Somewhere. Probably a school with a lot of lesbians and cold weather. 
You thought you might try and jumpstart a career as a burlesque dancer- that seems to be what all girls who don’t have the issues to be a stripper nor the grace to be a ballerina are doing these days. When your best friend D’Andre got a gig performing R&B covers at Smoove’s Jazz & Muscato Bar  he called you and this black chick with “fun hair” to be his back up dancers. The routine consisted of him in a dress shirt with the bow tie undone, mostly singing and doing impromptu Michael Jackson Usher dance moves. You and the other girl wore fish nets, leotards, and fedoras, obviously. While he would stand, center stage, doing his best  Ginuwine impression, you and her would slowly move, Cabaret  style on wooden bar chairs in the background. 
There was no pay but you thought it would look good on a college resume. 
When you aren’t busy being the only white girl in a Ugandan Hip Hop class, you also love volunteering to be the subject of your friend’s photography. Your friend Harmony loves taking black and whites of you doing all kinds of artistic things like:
Playing with a silk scarf
Sitting on a chair in a field
Naked smoking a cigarette in the tub
Walking slowly down abandoned train tracks
You’ll do anything for art. You were also the first girl to volunteer to do a full frontal nudity rape scene for your friend zombie movie…At age 17.  You got to show off your acting range by doing one of those crying in the shower scenes. Something every 17 year old rural suburban girl needs to put on their bucket list before even thinking about applying to Emerson College.
When you got to school, all of the electives were full. There was an art class, but “Charcoal: How to Make a Fucking Mess and Come Home with a Picture of an Oddly Shaded Rose” didn’t appeal to you. So you signed up for “Modern Fashion.” This look is your first project you’re being graded on. The shirt is… Just a shirt you had, but you’re not into shirts, you wanna focus more on the bottom part of the body. That’s your mission. Just bottoms. So you took your childhood bed sheets, cut out a rectangle and and stapled it around you, there’s the skirt. Then for the leg warmer-things, you took your costume you had left over from when you were an extra in the a community theater production of The Crucible and you hot glued elastic bands to it. Gotta keep those shins toasty! You also taped a yellow feather thing to one of the leg warmers. You’ll tell the teacher it’s to pick up the yellow in your sheert (skirt made of sheets, sheert) but really you like, found it in your car on your way into class so you just stuck it on there. You want to start your own label combining fashion and art. You will call it… FART.
To complete the look you rented out the top of your head to a muskrat for an hour, just to give your hair that “slept in” look. 
$50 for the skirt on Etsy
$80 for the leg warmers
$300 for a class on fashion merchandising 

ilizashaunch:

Okay so your breath is horrible, let’s just get that out of the way.

You have the heart of an artist. Which sucks because you live in like, Lowell, Massachusetts- not exactly a thriving art colony. So you try to engage in art as much as possible. You took the “modern dance” elective at your high school. You took it very seriously even though, with your body type, there was no way you would ever become a real dancer, but you poured yourself into it. Had you worked as hard at Calculus as you did in your “African Movement” class, you might have been able to fool yourself into thinking you were a real dancer when you wasted 100k majoring in it at Bard. BUT your grades suffered, so now you’re gonna do a year at community college and then transfer… Somewhere. Probably a school with a lot of lesbians and cold weather. 

You thought you might try and jumpstart a career as a burlesque dancer- that seems to be what all girls who don’t have the issues to be a stripper nor the grace to be a ballerina are doing these days. When your best friend D’Andre got a gig performing R&B covers at Smoove’s Jazz & Muscato Bar  he called you and this black chick with “fun hair” to be his back up dancers. The routine consisted of him in a dress shirt with the bow tie undone, mostly singing and doing impromptu Michael Jackson Usher dance moves. You and the other girl wore fish nets, leotards, and fedoras, obviously. While he would stand, center stage, doing his best  Ginuwine impression, you and her would slowly move, Cabaret  style on wooden bar chairs in the background. 

There was no pay but you thought it would look good on a college resume. 

When you aren’t busy being the only white girl in a Ugandan Hip Hop class, you also love volunteering to be the subject of your friend’s photography. Your friend Harmony loves taking black and whites of you doing all kinds of artistic things like:

Playing with a silk scarf

Sitting on a chair in a field

Naked smoking a cigarette in the tub

Walking slowly down abandoned train tracks

You’ll do anything for art. You were also the first girl to volunteer to do a full frontal nudity rape scene for your friend zombie movie…At age 17.  You got to show off your acting range by doing one of those crying in the shower scenes. Something every 17 year old rural suburban girl needs to put on their bucket list before even thinking about applying to Emerson College.

When you got to school, all of the electives were full. There was an art class, but “Charcoal: How to Make a Fucking Mess and Come Home with a Picture of an Oddly Shaded Rose” didn’t appeal to you. So you signed up for “Modern Fashion.” This look is your first project you’re being graded on. The shirt is… Just a shirt you had, but you’re not into shirts, you wanna focus more on the bottom part of the body. That’s your mission. Just bottoms. So you took your childhood bed sheets, cut out a rectangle and and stapled it around you, there’s the skirt. Then for the leg warmer-things, you took your costume you had left over from when you were an extra in the a community theater production of The Crucible and you hot glued elastic bands to it. Gotta keep those shins toasty! You also taped a yellow feather thing to one of the leg warmers. You’ll tell the teacher it’s to pick up the yellow in your sheert (skirt made of sheets, sheert) but really you like, found it in your car on your way into class so you just stuck it on there. You want to start your own label combining fashion and art. You will call it… FART.

To complete the look you rented out the top of your head to a muskrat for an hour, just to give your hair that “slept in” look. 

$50 for the skirt on Etsy

$80 for the leg warmers

$300 for a class on fashion merchandising 

Hey everybody! Let’s just create a Black Santa so we can all be equal. Even though Santa is fake, yet from Finland. Are there black people in Finland? That place is whiter than snow. Let’s imagine Brad Pitt is black. How about Barry Manilow. Let’s just all change the color of a mythical fat fuck’s skin so a few hyper sensitive counter racists can have their nights rest. Yeah. Now I understand a lot, probably most, black families don’t want a fat white dude in their house at night while they sleep. Hasn’t everyone accepted the fact that Santa is a pagan illusion that is cheerful enough AS IS for everyone to get behind? I guess true equality isn’t good enough for some. I don’t care what color skin Santa has. Personally I think Santa should be Japanese cause a) It’ll be hysterical to hear him pronounce his own name. (ex. “HERRO, IT’S ME SANTA CRAWS!)” b) You can leave him fortune cookies and Sake ftw. And c) He wouldn’t come down your chimney. He would be a straight up ninja and find an even better way into your house. So can’t we all enjoy our imaginations without trying to influence the rest of the world for your own selfish preferences? How about give rather than change for your personal interest? Sound good? Ok. Thank you. Oh and before I go…If you are someone that gets offended because someone told your month to be “HAPPY.” Eat a turd inside a car fire. No. Eat SEVERAL turds in a van fire! Whether it’s “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Holidays,” “Happy Festivus,” “Happy Christmas,” “Merry Xmas.” Whatever. People are trying to be nice to you. So “Tis the season, asshole!” Ok. I’m done. Sorry if you still believe in Santa Claus. SPOILER ALERT!!!

Have a Happy Merry FeXtivustmas!

- Corey

True Patriots

No one in this country has any clue how to turn this country around. We can start by setting an honest flame under our state representative’s feet. Hoping they scurry on to Washington and spread the fire. If you are someone who believes that our government has been keeping us safe, you are a terrorist. The implementation of the NSA is proof that the government is not here to keep us safe. They are here to rule and expand across the globe. Magically, the largest typhoon to ever hit soil struck the Phillipines. Of course now our country has broken barriers. Allowing our government’s military to once again station themselves in the Philippines and expand. The Boston bombing showed us what Marshall Law will look like. It was simply a violent demonstration. A successful test in a heavily populated area. We were never shown a picture of a dead Osama Bin Laden. When we watched Saddam and Gaddafi die on our government’s news outlets. The majority of Seal Team Six was killed off in a helicopter crash like a lackluster episode of Family Guy. Their news must be stopped and their lies must be silenced. We are slowly getting prepared for war at home. Yet there is no preparation for us. The owners of this country are the one’s in control of the preparations. I don’t necessarily believe that Obama is edging us towards Islamic rule. Maybe he is. It doesn’t matter who is ruling. The problem is that our freedom is being asphyxiated. You think every time something in this country somehow turns for the worst that more laws will prevent it from happening? Of course they won’t. We need to be a challenge like we were 25 years ago. We are too easy. All we care about is our own selfish agendas. YOLO. How Miley Cyrus is “her own woman now.” Bullshit. How I can save 10% this Christmas. Buy your friends and family what they want at full price you cheap fucks. Break your own bank for others. Otherwise, you are still thinking about yourselves. Which is why we are so easy to control. Start caring about the things that matter. About the people that matter. Our government is beyond shady. They are getting away with murder and betrayel in plain sight. Only because we let them. We need to set a fire before theirs ignites and burns the rest of the world.

Thanksgivukkah playlist:
1. Hatebreed - Before Dishonor
2. Killswitch Engage - Take This Oath
3. Fallujah - Cerebral Hybridization
4. Mastodon - Octopus Has No Friends
5. Periphery - Frak the Gods
6. Rick Ross - 3 Kings
7. Within The Ruins - Controller
8. Tool - Parabola
9. Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - I Am Sammy Jankis
10. Throwdown - Forever
11. Wiz Khalifa - T.A.P.
12. Beastie Boys - Get It Together
13. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher Ground
14. Daft Punk - Beyond
15. Rush - YYZ
16. Dropkick Murphys - The State Of Massachusetts
17. Megadeth - Youthanasia
18. Adam Sandler - The Chanukah Song
- Party on, Garth! Happy Thanksgivukkah to all! And to all a good cheap ass meal!

Thanksgivukkah playlist:

1. Hatebreed - Before Dishonor
2. Killswitch Engage - Take This Oath
3. Fallujah - Cerebral Hybridization
4. Mastodon - Octopus Has No Friends
5. Periphery - Frak the Gods
6. Rick Ross - 3 Kings
7. Within The Ruins - Controller
8. Tool - Parabola
9. Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - I Am Sammy Jankis
10. Throwdown - Forever
11. Wiz Khalifa - T.A.P.
12. Beastie Boys - Get It Together
13. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher Ground
14. Daft Punk - Beyond
15. Rush - YYZ
16. Dropkick Murphys - The State Of Massachusetts
17. Megadeth - Youthanasia
18. Adam Sandler - The Chanukah Song

- Party on, Garth! Happy Thanksgivukkah to all! And to all a good cheap ass meal!

Notes in Class II

HEY….UMMMMM OK, so yesterday at lunch, that new kid Shawna ate THREE peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. It wasn’t even a contest or anything? Like what a slob? Jake started calling her “Shawnwich” LOL. Write back please!

- Stacy

HAHA. That’s interesting. By “no contest” did you mean no one could even compete with how fast she ate the sandwiches or “no contest” because she is a fu….ok she’s just a slob. Got it. Ok. I call Jake “Jake Off” cause he’s a jack off. I wanna punch three pb&js into his face. Don’t show him I wrote that…I usually always walk over to him when I have to fart. Which is quite often. Shit. I’m telling you all my secrets. This isn’t good. I said too much…

- Corey

LOL you could always sandwich his face in with two peanut butter jellies.

- Stacy

Or tell him to stare at a pb&j….No. Better. Just be like, “you see this pb&j?” Then PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH IT AND INTO HIS FACE! BOOM!

- Corey

You really wanna make this kid eat a sandwich, don’t you? Btw the bitch in front of me just itched her private. Ickkkkkk.

- Stacy

I got it! We can have itchy privates over there shoot an infected pb&j into Jakeovesaur’s mouth.

- Corey

DONE!

- Stacy

Halloween Playlist 2013:
1. The Faceless - Planetary Duality I
2. Broken Hope - The Flesh Mechanic
3.Repo - Things You A See in A Graveyard
4. Repo - Zydrate Anatomy
5. Dethklok - Bloodlines
6. Paradise Lost - Gothic 2013
7. 45 Grave - Party Time
8. Down - Misfortune Teller
9. Slayer - Die by the Sword
10. Metallica - Eye of the Beholder
11. Rob Zombie - Werewolf Women of the SS
12. Misfits - Halloween
13. Children of Bodom - Angels Don’t Kill
14. Watain - Wild Hunt
15. Aborted - From A Tepid Whiff
16. The Black Dahlia Murder - Into the Everblack

Halloween Playlist 2013:

1. The Faceless - Planetary Duality I
2. Broken Hope - The Flesh Mechanic
3.Repo - Things You A See in A Graveyard
4. Repo - Zydrate Anatomy
5. Dethklok - Bloodlines
6. Paradise Lost - Gothic 2013
7. 45 Grave - Party Time
8. Down - Misfortune Teller
9. Slayer - Die by the Sword
10. Metallica - Eye of the Beholder
11. Rob Zombie - Werewolf Women of the SS
12. Misfits - Halloween
13. Children of Bodom - Angels Don’t Kill
14. Watain - Wild Hunt
15. Aborted - From A Tepid Whiff
16. The Black Dahlia Murder - Into the Everblack